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fight4future:

Hey there,

Exciting news! The Internet Slowdown net neutrality protest planned for September 10th is really taking off. This morning, a dozen of the world’s largest websites announced that they’re joining in a big way. Sites you know and love like Etsy, Kickstarter, Wordpress, Vimeo,…

Screaming at the floating pigments. Trying to fight them. Screaming at the walls. Trying to fight the air. I do this for a reaction this time. Part of the feelings I just cant seem to comprehend.  

Just got done swelling up my wrist. It came back, in an even more blocked in area. It always happens in this area. I need to break out. It hurts. Its better to feel it physically than mentally. Self harm always seems like self defeat. I don’t self harm when It faces me. I ready to fight. You don’t self harm when you are confronted. Do you? You either fight or flight, as they say. So I ready to protect myself. Something I didn’t do then. The result is only me smashing my hand against a wall. Kicking in a door. With a slight intention on mind, for attention. A call of help, asked in the worst way.

I don’t self harm, when past comes to mind. However, I do on other occasions.

I feel like I just broke my hand. The rage just comes in, something to make it so. I’m fooling myself. Just screaming at a wall. In a state, so fucking trapped. It made me almost break my hand. I’m pounding against books and counters. It helps release some tension. Its from them, to you. I accepted a gift, this gift. They handed it to me. From one sufferer to a new. It only spread. They are out, only harming more. I am kept locked. Good, I do not want to spread this to another. Bad, I suffer more. What’s the reward? Who pays? Who wins? Who loses? Does it even matter?

Have been struggling with ptsd and agoraphobia for almost 2 years now. I barely leave the apartment. I am still young and live with my parents. They want to kick me out.. they want me to leave.. they are done with me.. my dad threatens to harm me, when i have flashbacks. All i can remember is the feelings of being taken advantage of. It plays and plays in my head, and i try to defend myself from it. I lash out, scream. I am stuck in fear and anger. Visions of me bloody and on the verge of death. “There i no way out.” I am in pain, hurt. Please help…

Trying to figure shit out.

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